so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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