my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize