Who wears a wallet chain?!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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