Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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