So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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