At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I intend to get homeless drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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