Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize