no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize