A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize