i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
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He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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