small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize