Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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