The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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