Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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