Only a mothe r could love this liver
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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