My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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