She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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