Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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