drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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