Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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