if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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