sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize