i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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