And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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