where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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