Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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