If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize