woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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