He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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