I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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