thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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