So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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