Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize