now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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