I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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