she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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