morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize