I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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