I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize