i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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