wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize