why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize