I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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