peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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