Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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