I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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