just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
