he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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