It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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