saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize